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norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

I know this is in the youth section - but I feel that is discrimination! Very Happy

And besides, nobody has posted any jokes yet. So I thought I'd start you all off. We could have a competition to see who can come up with the worst joke! This one is sure to stand a good chance .....!

A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out.

Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before.

About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!'

The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what's happening.

She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen.

She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

All the best
Norma

norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

Sorry about that last joke folks! However, here is another! Rolling Eyes

A very topical one this one - and apologies in advance to any Labour supporters! Thumb

Tony Blair is visiting a school.

In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy".

"No," Tony says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy". "I'm afraid not, "explains Tony, "that is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent, none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Tony, "isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If a plane carrying Tony Blair was blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy".

"Wonderful!" Tony beams. "Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"

norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

Here's another one. If you want to stop me you will have to put in your own jokes!!!

There were three nuns in the church, two were crying and one was laughing. The priest walked up to the first nun who was crying and said 'why are you crying?' The nun said 'I killed someone' . 'Okay,' the priest said, go and drink some holy water!' He went up to the second nun and asked 'why are you crying?' She said' i stole a car'. He told her to drink from the holy water as well. He then asked the last nun 'And why are you laughing?' She replied 'I pee'd in the holy water'!

All the best
Norma
Embarassed

Tennent · Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Bishopmill

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home
phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is
your Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a polis would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that
noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the
boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle....

"ME"
_________________
You all laugh at me cos im different,
I laugh at you cos you're all the same!

norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

Nice one Tennent! Definitely not in the running for the worst joke though!
Norma

Masingo · Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 21 Location: Elgin

A busload of politicians crashes into a farmers field. A short while later the farmer turns up and buries them.

After a few days the police turn up and ask the farmer if he all the politicians that he burried were dead. The farmer replys

"I dont know, some of them tryed to tell me they werent however you know these polticians, all lying b*****ds!"
_________________
The answer my friend is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind,

norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

Yes, Masingo! I like that one too!
Norma

Tennent · Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Bishopmill

good one Masingo
Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
_________________
You all laugh at me cos im different,
I laugh at you cos you're all the same!

norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

I've just thought of a new joke: Moray Council! Rolling Eyes

All the best
Norma

Tennent · Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Bishopmill

,Best one so far Norma
_________________
You all laugh at me cos im different,
I laugh at you cos you're all the same!

norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

Hello folks,
Mindful of Resident's warnings about break-ins, I thought I'd share this wee story with you all!

A man was going up to bed when his wife told him he'd left the light on in the garden shed. It turned out they had burglars. He rang the police, but they told him that no-one was available. He hung up, counted to 30 and rang again. "Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now, I've just shot them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars and an armed response unit there. They caught the burglars but one of the policemen said: "I thought you said you'd shot them." The man replied: "I thought you said there was no-one available."

Thumb

Norma

norma · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 54 Location: Mitchell Crescent

And now for the 'sick' joke of the year:-

At French mime artist Marcel Marceau's funeral, a close friend was heard saying to another: "I'd no idea he was even ill. If only he had said something."

Rolling Eyes

Norma